Gas Bag Man

The winged wonder rags on dead Republi-con Jeff Groscost, Tempe's "PG clause," and Dr. Sketchy's anti-art lameness

By Stephen Lemons

Article Published Nov 16, 2006

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Tempe Town Tame

Hold on to your feathered caps for this one, fellow fowls, but 'tards at the City of Tempe are out to ban a rock concert because of — gasp — bad language and heavy beer consumption.

Yes, once again, Tempe's nominating itself for Lamest College Town Known to Man because it wants to say thanks but no thanks to future EdgeFests on municipal properties. Seems the day-long alt-rock event produced by The Edge 103.9 at Tempe Beach Park on September 30 resulted in reports from the Tempe po-po of onstage potty mouths and concertgoers sucking down suds.

There were even, in the words of the classic Eagles tune, reports of the "warm smell of colitas rising up through the air." What's next? Satanism? Human sacrifice? Moshing in front of the stage? Maybe even kids wearing their jeans low. Where's director Penelope Spheeris when we need her? It's The Decline of Western Civilization all over again. But what the Tempe thought police are really pissed at is the fact The Edge didn't uphold Tempe's "PG clause" at the fiesta. According to Travis Dray, Tempe's Deputy Manager of Recreation services, all municipal parks are covered by the clause, which "protects the community from being offended by profanity, vulgarities, decibel levels, and any other actions that may offend community members." Oh, you know, like, holding a rock concert.

Reportedly, pretty-boy actor Jared Leto and his band 30 Seconds to Mars were the real bad boys of EdgeFest 2006, using the word "fuck" during their set, an expletive this avian is sure the teens and twentysomethings at the concert'd never heard before. Other groups used naughty words that day as well, and according to droopy Dray, all heck broke loose because of it.

"Bands using profanity on stage and girls dancing on beer tubs," Dray dutifully detailed for this dirty duck. "We've never had a PG clause violated to the extent that it was embarrassing [before]."

Dingleberry Dray argued that this wacker-than-wack PG clause was a lot like the FCC's indecency regulations. But The Bird thinks that's pure pigeon poop. For one thing, AM and FM radio is free and accessible to all, but a rock blowout like EdgeFest is more like cable TV: You have to pay for access, and if your snot-nosed young'uns get in and witness something untoward, it's your friggin' fault.

"Hey, it's not Swan Lake, it's a rock concert," declared Edge VP Nat Galvin, who also told this talon-bearer that "in no way, in my opinion, was EdgeFest 2006 any more rowdy than past EdgeFests or other festivals I have attended."

Galvin made a point of polling the Tempe cops on duty at the event: "Each and every one of those uniformed officers, to a person, told me it was a cakewalk."

The Veep's observations are bolstered by those of Justin Stewart, who worked security at EdgeFest's local band stage.

"The fans were being respectful and weren't out of control by any means," said Stewart. "I walked through the beer garden a couple of times, and the drinking crowd was more subdued than the underage crowd. It seemed like a typical rock show, only more chilled out."

Indeed, Tempe PD spokesperson Brandon Banks confirmed a total of only five arrests in and around Tempe Beach Park on the day of the concert. Whew, how ever did the cops keep up?

But despite the relatively tame atmosphere (for a rock concert), and the fact local businesses raked in the scrilla like Jeff Groscost on an alt-fuel sellin' spree, Tempe's major city departments, including fire, police, refuse services and custodial, will meet in the next couple of weeks to make a "team decision" on EdgeFest's fate, according to Dray. And you thought ASU Prez Michael Crow was the only one responsible for making Tempe into a big, fat, family-friendly joke. Seems Tempe is now, and may forever be in the future, Edge-less.

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